Change

I hate change.
My greatest fear is talking to you guys one day, and the next day you leave. Every time I talk to you guys, it could be the last time. I love you guys so much, and the thought of never talking to you again one day scares me to death. I miss those times when life here was simple, and I miss some of the "originals" I used to know. Most of the people that were here at the time I came aren't here anymore. I feel like one of the last "survivors".
People say online chats are bad, but I don't see it. No 50 year old pedo has came knocking at my door yet. I try to stay safe online, but sometimes I feel like I overexpose myself. I can't say I've never had a nightmare of someone from chat coming to my house and killing me in the night. Yet, when I talk to you guys, I feel safe. Online chats aren't that bad. I've met some of the most amazing people that walk this earth, that give me hope for the new generation. Before chats, I always felt like people that weren't from where I live were completely different. But they're not. Gosh, I've talked to people in England, Canada, Australia, and Brazil, just to name a few places. I've talked to people from all over America as well, from Maryland to New Jersey to Massachusetts to Tennessee to Kansas to Florida to California, even some from Ohio like me. I never thought I would talk to someone from the other side of the world. And if I did, I never thought they'd be like me. I feel stupid now, because they are. I guess like the song says "it's a small world after all".
Whenever my friends make a joke about people from other countries, I don't find it funny. When they say "Canadians are so stupid" I fight back. Of course, I can't tell them about you guys, so sometimes it's hard to defend you. I guess they're just misinformed, because you guys are nothing like the stereotypes we create.
I'm terrified of someone from my real life finding me online. What if they found my twitter? That could ruin me. I tell my deepest thoughts on my twitter, and I would hate for them to be leaked. Why do I tweet then? To be honest, I don't know. It's kind of like my diary, and when I look back at my tweets imtell myself "you survived that". I can survive anything. What if they found my facebook, youtube, blog? If someone knew I was Penny Mickey, I don't know what I'd do.
Penny Mickey has become my second life. Sometimes, I mess up and call myself Penny in the real world. Stupid, I know. To me, Penny is the person inside of me I'm too afraid to show in the real world. I never let it show at school, but I'm secretly outgoing, funny, sarcastic. That's what I show you guys. Sometimes Penny leaks into the real world, but no one ever understands my jokes. I feel more accepted as Penny here than I feel accepted at all in my outside life. I've told you guys secrets I've never told anyone, like about my mom's anxiety or my dad's girlfriend. I've tried telling my real world friends, but they don't understand like you guys. Who would've thought people from around the world would understand me more than my so called friends?
Somehow this post just flowed out of my fingers as I typed it on my iPad. It's nothing special, just some of my thoughts. Through the Internet, I discovered my best friends. I discovered my secret me, vying to escape. I discovered how people across the globe aren't that different. I took advantage of the opportunity to change my life through you guys.

Maybe all change isn't so bad.

Overlooked

You know those moments where you just want to kill yourself? You feel like you're broken and will never be fixed. I feel that way now. Not from one thing or person, but from many. You give it your all, you get crap back. I'm tired of trying, when no one seems to care. You be nice to someone, they stab you right in the heart. My family, my friends, strangers. I'm always overlooked. They go for the other guy. I'm left in the shadows, wondering what I did wrong. I feel like I'll always feel this way. When does it get better? I've had depression for 3 years straight now, where's the end of the tunnel? I feel as though I've reached the end of the tunnel, but there's no light this time. So you just give up. You stop searching for the light, because you know it's not there. And the end of the tunnel in life is.. suicide. Is that where I am? Am I so unhappy that's what I feel like I have to do? Sometimes I wonder if I die kill myself, if people would truly care. Sure, they'd be sad for a week, then I think they'd just forget. Out of sight, out of mind. Overlooked.

I put effort into school, Club Penguin, family relations, friendship. I get crap back. I say I'll do something nice for you. You never do anything nice for me. Can't I win at something just once? I'm tired of being labeled. I'm tired of being unpopular. I'm tired of being depressed.I'm tired of life. I'm tired of... being overlooked.

I act happy and say it's ok, but it's really not. I'll never look at you in the same way again. We'll be friends. But never like I thought we were. I say that about a lot of things. I don't forgive, and I sure don't forget. Nothing can solve this, and my heart will always be empty. Broken. Shattered into too many pieces to be resurrected. Overlooked.

I'm depressed, I'm anorexic, I'm suicidal. When does the suffering stop? Never. I cry out for help. No one answers. They act like they don't hear. I'm buried 6 feet under, no one's there to hear my screams. I feel less than perfect. Like I'll never be good enough for the standards. I'm doomed for failure, and it's only a matter of time before I end it before it's started. Because my problems are always overlooked.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Maybe I should die. What's my purpose? Why can I never be happy? I just want know. Maybe I'll just always be overlooked...

A Poem

Every day is a constant struggle for her
Pushing away her food
Simply saying "I'm not hungry"
When inside that's all she wants

She limits her calories to 1,000 a day
If she goes over at herself she screams
"YOU'RE SO FAT! YOU'RE HORRIBLE!"
Her self esteem goes down the drain

She checks calories on everything
From yogurt to juice
If it's over 200 it's no good
She pushes it farther away

Her friends tell her she's not fat
She doesn't believe them
Every time she looks in the mirror
All she sees is the fattest girl

Her family doesn't seem to notice
Her problem here or there
They don't notice her depression
She's slowly slipping away

The illness has taken over
Taking away her soul
All she wants is some help
But no one ever hears her screams

Anorexia is a serious problem. I know; I have it myself. This poem kind of describes how I feel, and maybe it describes how others feel too. Stay strong everyone. <3

Sexy Bunny

Bunny is sexy. Like Penny. (:

That's all.

Stop reading.

You think there's something exciting coming?

WRONG!

Just more sexiness.

And doing it with Bunny in bed.

And more sexiness.

And Gangsta Stalkerness.

Alright bye.

Leave.

Now.

KTHXBYE!

If Only He Knew Site

Hey! I've decided to create a site dedicated solely to If Only He Knew, a story I'm writing. But don't worry; I'll still post on this blog. The site for If Only He Knew is... www.ifonlyheknewstory.blogspot.com! Be sure to check it out!

My Pet Raccoon Smells Like Cheese

While looking through the files on my computer I came across this old short story I wrote. It's nothing spectacular, but I guess it's something to laugh at, if even just for it's stupidity.

My pet raccoon smells like cheese, so that’s why he is named Mr. Cheese! Everywhere I go, I bring Mr. Cheese. I brought him to the store one day and we went past the cheese aisle. While I was looking at all the cheese, Mr. Cheese jumped out of the basket and climbed in with the blue cheese. (BLUE CHEESE!?!?!?! WHY DO THEY EVEN MAKE IT!?!?!? NO ONE LIKES IT!!!)I left, thinking Mr. Cheese was still in the basket. After I left, some Chinese bald dude with a beard, came to get some blue cheese. (BLUE CHEESE!?!?!?! POOR CHINESE DUDE, HE LIKE BLUE CHEESE!! POOR DUDE…) He looked at all the cheese, and one caught his attention. He picked up Mr. Cheese, (thinking he was blue cheese because he smells like cheese… maybe the dude is blind! LOL) and put Mr. Cheese in his basket. He went to the self-checkout and paid for Mr. Cheese. He walked outside, got in his car, and drove to his apartment in the middle of nowhere. (Poor guy… doesn’t even have a house… and lives in the middle of nowhere…) He went inside and unpacked his cheese and was about to put it inside the fridge when… Mr. Cheese jumped out and ran around doing a tap dance routine! The guy just shrugged and left the apartment to get more cheese! Mr. Cheese danced into the bedroom and found another raccoon! They talked in raccoon language and Mr. Cheese found out the other raccoon was a girl named Miss Cheese! They instantly fell in love, and had a little raccoon wedding outside the apartment. (Awwww….) Then they saw a poster that I had put up on a lone pole when I found Mr. Cheese was missing. (They can read! They’re so smart!) They decided to go find me and live at my luxery mansion with 800 rooms, 150 bathrooms (all with luxery hot tubs), 200 TVs, 1,000,000′s of dollars worth of food, 100 pools, and a butler for every room! (Man… I’m so rich!!! That’s what happens when your husband “dies randomly” hehe…. I’ll never tell what happened to my husband!!! MWA HA HA HA HA!!!)So they set off on their journey. They started in California, took 100 trains to Maine, rode bicycles to Floridia, took a subway to Georgia, took 19 buses to Washington D.C. (while they were there they “accidently” set the Declaration of Independence of fire… hehe! Good Raccoons!!) rode unicyles to Ohio, Rode an elephant to Colorado, and then…. took a flying carpet with Aladdin back to California! They find my mansion, walk inside, and are greeting by me with a giant smile that had been on my face for a year while they traveled. (POOR ME… MY MOUTH MUST HURT A LOT…) I welcome them with a feast fit for a raccoon king…. miles and miles of cheese!!! They eat their cheese happily, then take a luxery bath, swim in the pool, get some lemonade, and THEN…. hug me and show me a tap rountine! I couldn’t be happier! My raccoons can make me even more money… TAP DANCING RACCOONS, BROADWAY HERE I.. I MEAN, MY RACCOONS, YEAH THAT’S RIGHT… HEHE! COME! HERE WE COME!!!! MONEY!!!!!! HEHE!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

I'm not exactly sure why I wrote this, or how I even came up with this idea. And yet here it is, sitting in my old files, now on display for the whole world to see. Lol. (:

~Penny

P.S. The first part of If Only He Knew will be out within the next day or so!

~Stalker Poem~

This is a random poem about my stalker. Enjoy. :P

My Stalker

He walks down the school hallway
His hair flipping every which way
If only he'd ever love me
I'd love to see that day

He says hi to his friends
Waving to them saying "hey!"
But as he walks past me
There's nothing to ever say

I doubt he notices me
Although for that every night I pray
I dream of us together
Kissing by the Chesapeake Bay

We'd hold hands in the park
Or maybe swim under a waterfall
I don't even care
Even just taking a trip to the mall

Reality wakes me up
Stirring me from my dreams
I know we'll never be together
Because of that girl on the balance beams

She's Lauren
Her laugh, her smile, her physique
The perfect girl in every shape and form
With whom I'll never be able to compete

For now I'll just keep dreaming
Hoping, maybe... someday
He'll stop in the hall by me and say...
"Hey."

If Only He Knew! And Story Contest!

***Congrats Cassie for winning! Check out Slider's Spiffy Magazine to read about it!***

Hey penguins of the world! Your day just got better, because Penny is here!!! (:

Starting soon (sometime within the next week), I'm going to post chapters of a story I'll be writing called If Only He Knew. It's about a girl named Arielle and just her adventures throughout high school and her life in general. And did I mention a certain "stalker" might be involved?! Haha, I know you're excited now. (:

In other sorta related news, I have a contest for you! It's a story writing contest. You guys submit a story in a comment, and on June 13 (two weeks from today), I will reveal the winner!! What does the story have to be about to qualify? Glad you asked! Your story must:

1. Involve me (Penny) and my stalker (Nick). However, it doesn't have to be completely focused on us. For all I care, your story could just say "I watched as Penny and Nick strolled along eating their Blizzards from Dairy Queen, looking absolutely in love with each other." That could be it lol, and your story could be about anything else you want. I just want as least one line. But if you want it to revolve around me and my stalker, that's ok too!!! (In fact, Penny would love that lol.)
2. Actually make sense
3. Not kill my stalker (but you can kill me and then he kisses me and brings me back to life lol)
4. Use semi-correct grammar, spelling, and all that stuff (I want to UNDERSTAND what you're writing)
5. Be AWESOMEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds easy enough right? The winner will get.....
THE SATISFACTION OF WINNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha, I might have a spare coin code lying around my house, if you know what I mean *wink wink*

Good luck!!!

What the Heck??

I JUST TYPED A HUGE POST BUT I LOST MY INTERNET CONNECTION AND I DIDN'T KNOW SO I LOST THE POST. I'M SO FREAKIN MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F***erdoodles. (That's my new catch phrase for when I'm really mad.)

It's Not Over

Hey! You know, it's been almost a year since I posted on this blog. Crazy, right? I guess a lot has changed, and let's face it, things won't ever be the way they used to be. I was thinking a few days ago about this blog and it just kept bugging me in the back of my head about it. So... I'M RESTARTING CLUB PENGUIN PERSONALLY!!!

And even though no one will probably ever read this, I don't care. Something's just telling me to do this, so I'm doing it. So yeah. (:

Haha, that's it. Now go. Stop reading.